The Frog who became a King



The famous "stuttering" speech of King George the sixth

 Went to see a movie the other night – “The King’s Speech”. It is about Prince Albert who reluctantly becomes the King of Great Britain when his brother abdicates. Prince Edward married the twice divorced Wallis Simpson which disqualified him from remaining the King. King George the sixth had one major problem. He stammered badly. He found it difficult to speak a sentence without stammering. When you are a King that is not good! 

It got me thinking.

What is your “stammer”?  When we were born we had no “stammers”. In the first seven years, particularly after birth we were influenced by a number of people and institutions and experiences. The “stammer” may not be in your speech. Your “stammer” could be in some other area of your life. Through a painful experience you developed a “stammer” For example if you were molested sexually or beaten or not loved or in some way treated harshly by parents, siblings or your broader family etc.

Education plays a big part in our lives. Teachers can often make or break us. The environment or political situation into which we are born affects us. If you were born and raised in a “squatter” camp (The poverty – stricken areas in South Africa are called squatter camps), or a “trailer park” (In the USA), it will influence the way you see the world.

 In South Africa, the land of my birth, black people were treated as inferior under apartheid. Many grew up thinking they were inferior to whites. This is nonsense. Blacks are not inferior to anyone. In fact no one is inferior to another. We are all just different. We posses’ different intellects, talents and gifts but no one is inferior. Imagine the “stammer” you develop in that kind of environment.Thank goodness that in 1992 Nelson Mandela was released from prison. He had been there for 26 years.Then in 1995 elections were held and South Africa became a democratic country. However still today we feel the efects of the apartheid system in that some black people have this "stammer" of feeling inferior to white people to this day.



Nelson Mandela free at last

                                      

The media influences us. Even religion can give us a “stammer”.

My father used to say to me when I wanted money: “Do you think I am Rockefeller my boy?” My mother said: “Do you think money grows on trees”? My “stammer” about money developed. For a long time I thought that money was scarce. I developed a “money scarcity belief”. Money is not scarce. Money is always flowing even in a recession. It is just that a minority of people have it. The people with an abundance mentality have it. How do you view money? Whatever way you do, the chances are that it has become your reality.

 Prince Albert who became King George the sixth was fortunate to find someone who helped him to speak reasonable fluently. He was also the King’s one real male friend. He helped the King to overcome his lack of confidence. The man who helped him was an average man with no qualifications, position or money. He was a bit of a frog. Remember the fairytale where the Princess kisses the frog and he turns into a Prince? Well this was the opposite way around. A frog “kissed” a Prince and he became King! The Prince, when he was 5 years old developed his stammer.His father was very critical of Albert. One of his nannies was extremely harsh on him. They broke down his confidence in himself. Stammering is usually connected to a lack of confidence. 



When I was in Grade 8 at school I developed a “stammer”. Mrs. Stonier was my Mathematics teacher. From the moment she set eyes on me she didn’t like me. She asked me what my name was. I told her: “John Thomas Ms”. She laughed and said it was a really stupid name. In the English tradition “John Thomas” is another name for the part of a man’s anatomy! (My Father gave me the name for five reasons. 1. He was stupid.  2. He had not read “Sons and Lovers” by T.S. Elliot (This book used the name to refer to that part of the anatomy)  3. My uncle Johnny was killed in the Second World War and my father wanted me to have his name.  4. He had a sense of humor.  5. He wanted me to grow up with character.

Have you ever listened to the song by Johnny Cash entitled: “A boy named Sue”? That will give you insight into the “stammer” I held onto for many years.)

Mrs. Stonier continually called me stupid. Guess what I became ...stupid in mathematics. At the end of the first term, (January – March), I got the lowest mark ever for mathematics at that school. I got five percent. I attended a prestigious school which made it even worse. Do you know how useless you have to be to get that percentage? If you just write your name on the examination paper they give you five percent! I still hold the record I think.

Mrs. Stonier didn’t come back after the first term. I was relieved and extremely happy.

The first day of the second term we saw a prune faced man through the glass panes of the mathematics class door. It was Mr. Coventry. He was in his late seventies. It was difficult to find young mathematic teachers in those days. The class of boys thought that we were going to have real fun with him! He surprised us all. He was a kind and caring teacher. He asked my name. “John Thomas” I replied. The whole class laughed. When he heard it he said: “That is a nice name” From today your name will be “Tommy”. He knew that my name was embarrassing. He said that I looked liked a mathematician. The classed roared with laughter. He obviously hadn’t seen the marks! My “stammer” was a lack of self-belief.Mr.Coventry helped me to find that belief in myself again. He affirmed me and helped me with mathematics. At the end of the year my marks improved to such an extent that I came second in a class of twenty five. Mr. Coventry was my "princess" and he “kissed” me with kindness, care and his belief in me. I lost my “frogginess” and emerged from my murky pool of thinking I was stupid.§

The same year I was forced to stay with my brother who was thirteen years older than me. A lot happened that year! He was a mathematical wizard. He attended Syracuse University, New York. He came top of his class. So to him I was stupid. He physically beat me up for about six months whenever I didn’t do well at school. If I didn’t get up early enough he threw a bucket of water over my head in bed. My self-esteem became another “stammer”. (Write more of this in the next article on “Forgiveness”)

The question is what is your “stammer”? It’s never too late to change from being a frog living in a murky pool to being a Prince in a castle.

How do you do it? Need help?

Here are a few ideas:

1. Maybe look at the new school of psychology for some help – Neuro - Linguistic -Programming. NLP says that you can change and you can change fast. It says that it isn’t about your past but about the now and the future. NLP says that you need to insert new software into your brain. Google Paul McKenna and watch this technique at work in bringing about change.

2. Read books like – “Awaken the Giant within” by Anthony Robins, “The NLP Coach” by Ian McDermott & Wendy Jago,”The Breakthrough Experience” by Dr. John F. Demartini, “Frogs into Princes”  by Richard Bandler & John Grinder, “Feel the Fear & do it anyway” by Susan Jeffers to mention a few.

3. Challenge the inner critic all the time. The voice of a teacher, a parent or a sibling etc in your head. Most of it is rubbish. Don’t allow these people to live rent free in your head! Observe you’re self-talk. Are you continually negative about yourself? Put an end to this kind of self-talk. Be kind to yourself.

4. Forgive yourself and others.

5. Find a mentor or coach for your life. Someone you can trust to help you find your path in life. Someone to give you honest feedback about yourself.

6. Get counselling. Find a professional counselor who you can relate to.   

Do not go through your life living with your “stammer”. Do something about it. Feel the fear and do it anyway!

7. Live in the present. Let go of the past. It is history and you can’t change it. However you can affect the future by what you do today.

Stay tuned for – “How to forgive”